Thrift With Me // Finding Jesus

Alot happened today when I went thrifting. First, I wasnt planning on going but my feet moved me there. I was again staring at the books when a lady with pretty blue eyes and red thinning hair asked me if I could help her find a rare book called Murder One. We talked by the bookshelf and then it came out of her without much warning: in September 2019 her oldest son was murdered. Tears fell from her eyes one after the other but her face didn't change. It is the look of someone in immense suffering. I hugged her after hearing about this, a complete stranger I reached out and hugged her and I just wish I had something, that book, to give her. 

"A year is not that long," I said, my mask half covering my face. I hoped my eyes could speak. 

"It feels like it was last week," she swallowed her words. I knew that feeling: every day is the same, you are stuck, watching the world and events and people evolve. Babies being born, new business built, seasons changing, but inside a sense of changelessness. It is one of the deepest depressions I know of. 

She told me to look her up in the phone book. Nancy and Kurt Curtis. I repeated it in my head even though I'm not sure where my phone book is. 

When she had to go, I said "I hope you'll be okay." And she paused, looked at me for a long good moment with a broken smile on her face, then said she was glad to talk to me. She paid for her things, talking the anxiety around her away, and left with another goodbye.

On the way home, as I walked, I prayed for her. I prayed she have a good sleep, a good morning, and to lift that darkness from her. One of the books I put in my basket because of her - 90 minutes in Heaven. Because she said she really hoped there was, because she like to see her son there.

I began to wonder about money next. All I had was what was in my bank. Anthony wasnt looking promising. As usual. He blamed me for not having good shoes even though I told him over and over to order some shoes. He told me several times he'd apply to Subway and has yet to put an application there. I have recommend Depop and Mercari and ideas for a shop so he can make extra cash - you can lead a horse to the water but you cant make him drink. 

What was I supposed to do? In the winter, no car, tiny me, with suicidal depression and nerve damage in my right arm. I was asking God what I was to do when a car came up. 

This person was someone I knew because I worked with her daughter at Dennys when it first opened. I casually confessed I needed a job if she knew of any one hiring, and she drove me to the Dry Cleaners to meet Wayne. 

I feel good about the doors God is opening for me. I just need to let him in. He has done come knocked twice now.